Confirmation: the world truly is in the shit.
Still a little shocked. This confirmation came from Dr T himself. Wonder if depression had the better of him yesterday. Dr T was truly angry at NL’s pandemic measures, which were shunted aside when the actual vaccination rate in the country was only at 40%. He mentioned it a couple of times with the ‘what did they expect?’ mute question thrown in for good measure. There was also NO climate change denial. At all. In fact, Dr T said climate change is THE thing the world has to work on right now.
I got no ‘it’s not really that bad’. None of the ‘there are plenty of places that aren’t that way’. Absolutely none of ‘not every person is as bad as you think’. Just nods of agreement from Dr T as I voiced my lack of belief in humanity’s ability to really change anything.
Told him about my long term idea for some sort of environmental rating or accounting system. He thought my axioms and ideas were quite good. His actual words: You need to talk to someone about this. I just don’t know who, and he didn’t give me any hints.
He’s pretty sure I can get a job whenever I want. According to Dr T, my Dutch issue really shouldn’t hold me back. He talked as if I’ll get snapped up by some company as soon as I put myself out there. It’s just a matter of me doing that. I’m really hoping I find something here in R’dam. I’m too old to be commuting for an hour or more each way every damned day, but one of my searches yesterday showed me that 99% of listed accounting positions are in Amsterdam. Few pickings in Rotterdam. I’m hoping that’s not really accurate, that what I’m seeing are the top of the line positions, not the mid level grunts. I mean… Everyone needs accountants. Sad to say, but true. It’s one of those data input jobs that aren’t very thrilling so not many go into it.
I’m encouraged by his positive mind set that I have valuable skills needed by industry. I’m also encouraged by his thoughtful and slightly awed ‘You have some great ideas’ statement. That wasn’t nothing. That was something from a learned colleague, someone who has a real idea of the industry we were discussing, someone with an IQ above 100. I just wish he was the total answer man and could have said ‘write this up and send it to so and so’.
If I knew how to grow this idea of a rating or accounting system, I would. I’d take it and make it a career.
NL news: Ugh. I have to take the lead from Dr T on this; news outlets are still publishing conflicting statistics. Seems infection rates have levelled off in the 3000-4000 per day range. Hospitalisations are increasing, though every article on that downplays what’s going on. Some articles claim NL is still dark red on the European infection map, others say we’re fine. On the street, masks are lacking. Walked to my appointment yesterday and I was the only person wearing a mask out there. That just seems insane with the high transmission rate of the Delta variant. Feels like NL is waiting, just as I am. Waiting to see how bad things get in September with kids returning to school and most people indoors.
While I feel vindicated in many of my views, I’m not very happy to suddenly have Dr T agree with everything I say rather than trying to point out the positive side of things. Didn’t think about how that might feel. I just didn’t want his wall of denial. Well, I got that. No denial at all. Should have spent some time contemplating the downside.
Pfft. As usual, it’s up to me to change things. Set an agenda with concrete steps and just do it. Did I mention how much I hate that? So, so much.
Okay. Ten days. I’ll give myself ten days to actually get my CV out online to some of these employment sites. Even just one; the point is to take that first step. Pull up the CV, check it twice, find the right site and upload it. I’ll worry about things like appropriate clothes for an interview later. Now is not the time to take that on. Let’s see if I get any nibbles first.
O-o-o-o-oh! I so don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.
But I’m keeping my chin up. I’m holding onto hope, even though that seems futile. I’m telling myself I’ve got this. I’m reaching for what’s best in me when all I really want to do is grasp at every straw that floats by.
There are moments for me when everything stops. When, quite literally, the world stops turning. Raindrops are held suspended in the air, everything freezes for a moment. I think it’s a sort of hyper-awareness in me that just suddenly comes to the fore. Feels like I’m almost there. Some epiphany is right around the corner. Something that will change my life forever.
It’s coming.
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