Tired

I hurt. From my exercises, from the humidity, from my RA… Goddess only knows. Probably a combination. Been surprised over how much my small amount of exercising has pushed my muscles and my breathing. Two flights of stairs and I’m panting and ready to sit down. Keep pushing it. I don’t want to push it. At all. But I am. I want to get stronger, and the only way to that is through all this bullshit.

Worst of it: left side, where my leg and my hip meet. That wakes me up at night with pain. I hate it.

Talked to T about next week. Maybe I asked at a bad time. Maybe he’s just frustrated by me. Don’t know. All I do know for sure is that he kind of barked at me and put the blame on me for scheduling my appointment during a band week. I told him the appointment was made 6 months in advance and I didn’t even have my pocket agenda at that point, but it made no difference. I felt like it was all my own fault so I should shut up and live with it. So next week, I’m gonna be on the edge of exhaustion. Unless, of course, my strength picks up over this week. But considering how I’m feeling right now, I really, really doubt it.

My system seems to be in overdrive. When I pee, I pee an ocean. Similar statement could be made for all sorts of things. Just use your imagination on that one. Needless to say, I’m not confident at the moment on going out or doing much. I think I need to be near a bathroom.

More spooky shit. This morning at 9 am, our fire alarm went off in our flat. This is a special thing that our landlord put in. We can’t even change the battery; it’s supposed to last until 2032. We had no smoke in the house. No reason for it to go off, but it did. Very loudly. DAMN! Well, I was wondering if I’d hear it over my sound generator. The answer is YES, I hear it quite well. Good to know. But I really didn’t have to be woken up like that today just to find that out.

The smoke alarm isn’t the only thing, either. For some odd reason, my pipe keeps loosening up. I tighten the joints all the effing time and the next moment when I pick it up, it’s loose again. The light in the closet is flickering, too. That’s the one where the light bulb gets unscrewed even tho it’s got a cover over the entire thing.

News. Yikes. Increased violence and problems. Increased problems with immigrants. That’s not to say I’m against immigration, I’m just noting it. Could be that Wilders’ cabinet has influenced our media to cover immigrants in a bad light. And hearing about one problem person doesn’t mean everyone is a problem. But I’m noticing more and more news stories that clearly state when someone is an immigrant. It’s sad, you know? I can’t imagine any of the immigrants we take in aren’t mentally damaged in some way or other. Even the guy two floors down who I had so many problems with probably had his own issues and problems that contributed to the entire fiasco. But being too loud or disruptive here means other people have shit inflicted on them, and that isn’t fair. I think it’s a real shame that we don’t force all immigrants to have mental health help. Take it as a given that people are damaged and need extra help. But we don’t enforce that until they prove that they should have that help, which means we all have to suffer through the outbreaks of crap they do, whether it’s noise late at night, yelling in the streets, or violent outbursts. Truthfully, it’s fair to no one. In the same vein, I’m seeing more and more articles about Joost Klein stating that he’s getting lots of gig offers. I’m chalking that up to right wing feelings growing all over the EU. And, of course, there’s the news that Wilders has actually formed a cabinet and is now moving in as the ruling parties. Ugh. Feeling concerned about that and all it may mean for us. And we have water problems. Either too much or not enough. A campground was evacuated due to flooding. And I’ve seen one or two boil notices in the east of the country.

I’m feeling too tired to tackle this world with all its problems. Wish I had more to give, but… I’m old now. Or older. I know I still don’t look it. Every once in a while I catch some man looking at me and smiling. Sometimes they even speak to me. From what I’ve learned (after many years and definitely the hard way), that means they find you attractive. And I can see it in my face. I don’t look my age. I don’t know how old most people think I am; that is just a total blank. But I can see how people think I’m younger than I am. I have something youthful about my face. A lack of worry lines? No frown permanently set in? I honestly don’t know. But even I can see I lack it.

Been thinking of getting a t-shirt that says ‘yes, I’m 58’. Or maybe I should put more grey into my hair. Don’t know. All I do know is that I don’t have the energy most people think I possess.

I be tired.

Middle ground

Day 2. Double the exercise. It still isn’t much. Only 2 sets of stairs, 20 stands, and 20 arm lifts. Hurts, tho. The stands are still the worst of it, too. My knees ache, my butt hurts, and I feel those stands everywhere in my midriff. Which is why I want to push them.

Scheduled in blood tests for tomorrow. Seeing my rheumatologist next week. Not sure what to say to her. I sure don’t want to go back to 8 methotrexate pills a week. I fell ill often enough with 7 a week. And now, after two or three weeks not taking any methotrexate and a lower dosage, I’m feeling my knees and wrists more and more. My shoulder is back to making popping noises. Forgot about that until it started happening a couple of days ago. Oh, yeah. That shoulder is awfully loud as well.

Got T to take a picture of my hair post shower. I really need a cut. I can tell I pulled all the shorter hair around my face over to my right side because there’s a clump that’s a lot shorter than the rest of it on the right hand. But it’s been at least 6 months since I had a trim, and I can tell I need it. The ends look bad. I’m gonna schedule an appointment in downstairs rather than at the usual salon. I don’t want to have to travel on the metro any more than I must. Still hoping I make it thru our band ‘gig’ and stay healthy.

T told me a story of a friend of a friend who’s got long covid. The guy used to bike all over and be super active. Now he’s rarely seen outside his house. I can relate. Gonna keep on pushing myself because I really do want to get over this.

Ugh. We have a mystery sound going on the last half week. It’s a high end oscillation that goes on and on and on. Can’t figure out where it’s coming from. T thought it might be the workers on the roof of the next door building, but it happened late last night around 9 pm and I just can’t imagine any workers going that late. Sometimes the sound seems further away, sometimes it seems to shake the walls of the flat. It doesn’t go on long, so putting on my shoes and heading out to try and pin point it is difficult. But it keeps popping up now and then.

Considering bowing out of band rehearsal next week. The morning after, I have to be at my rheumatologist’s office before noon. I was really, really beat last time. Took more than a day to recoup. So I have my concerns about next week. The last thing I want to do is run myself down at rehearsal and then push myself on public transport the next day. That’s almost sure to make me sick again. Not sure that I can count on the guys finishing up early, either. Last week P was told how I was barely up for a week. He pushed us until 10 pm and we got home late. I can’t do that again. The guys are… Well, I’ve been conducting a bit of a test. Stay quiet until someone asks for my input because I feel I get cut off an awful lot. The only time I act outside that norm is when P obviously has not heard T well and is going on about something other than what T asked about. Then I’ll step in and repeat T’s words. But I’m not just joining in. I’m not offering my input because it is quite often ignored. Noticed, too, that P’s list of songs for our ‘gig’ doesn’t include any songs I sing. T bitched about P’s song choice for him. I chose to say nothing. Don’t care if I sing or not. Ain’t my band. We don’t play my kind of music. We only do one or two songs I actually enjoy. The rest I tolerate. And the set list is the stuff we nail in our sleep, so it isn’t like I think I have to be there next week. Hm. Think I’ll run this one past T. See what he thinks.

News over here: The right wing is close to cabinet formation in our gov’t. It could get quite scary here. Very, very soon. Seeing lots of right wing politics in the EU. The news here includes quite a bit of increased violence. Increased violence from immigrants and locals. Honestly, I have a difficult time forgetting that hipster dude that screamed at me how he was gonna take my head off. I keep my eyes open for him, but I’d never noted him in the neighbourhood before and I haven’t seen him since. Just some fucker cutting through on a random day. Nonetheless, the memory of it returns over and over and it keeps me on my toes. As do all the stories of elderly bikers getting beat up or someone knifing someone else at a metro station. The Eurovision scandal goes on. Now there are reports that NL filed a complaint with the governing body about an unsafe environment the day before the Joost Klein incident. The most surprising thing about this is the very fact that it’s NL. I could probably tick off half a dozen other nations I would think would be more apt to do this kind of shit before NL, but here we are. I guess it supports the entire right wing political bias I’m seeing in our current cabinet formation. Have read more and more reports of climate change impact, too. We’re dealing with both too wet and too dry concurrently. The ground dries out too much and then, when it finally rains, it rains too much. Not seeing many issues here in Rotterdam. We’re probably the most advanced in our water capture and usage because most of the entire city was bombed flat and totally rebuilt. The rest of the nation is struggling. Have seen stories of flower growers having problems due to our new environmental goals. Can’t say I feel too bad for them. I know there are problems, but I’ve never really understood why so much land is given over to cut flowers when people are starving. We’ll see if the new government kills the environmental agreements or not. I’ll bet they do.

Ugh. And it sure looks like Trump is gonna get back in office. Seriously? I am so effing ashamed of being born in that nation. It seems like every year I either learn of some atrocity in the past or one currently going on and all I feel I can do is hang my head. I cannot relate to what’s happening. At all. And I’m very glad of that.

How bad will it get? Don’t know. I’ve seen some awful things in dreams. Sometimes those dreams come to pass. Sometimes not.

Trying to find that middle ground. Middle ground on my meds. Middle ground on my view of the world. Middle ground on hope. Have enough, but not too much. Too much is as dangerous as not enough. Middle ground it is.

Back at it

Made it through band and as far as I can tell, I’m not falling ill again. Yea! Small victory. It did take me almost 36 hours to recoup after rehearsal. Three hours on my feet playing and moving, hauling my keys and stands around, lifting, moving: I was MORE than deeply exhausted the day after. Managed to make it to my recliner and basically spent the day there.

Yesterday I began the exercises my fysiotherapist told me to do. Ugh. I did the stairs walking first, thinking that would be toughest. Nope. Doing the sitting in a straight-backed chair and standing was the toughest. I did 10 rather than 5 because they were so tough. Then I did my arms. I stopped at that point because I didn’t know how I’d feel in a few hours. Good thing, too. I can feel it still today.

And so. Eurovision. I’m not shocked by what’s going on with NL’s entry. He’s from Friesland in the north, and they’re known to be pretty hard right wing. I mean… I think you can tell that from his haircut, right? What I am shocked by is how awful he is. The song sucks; I don’t care if you can clap and sing along with it, it sucks. And, as stated, his appearance is a real turn off, at least for me. But I know NL didn’t want to host. We have too many problems going on at the moment. I’m just embarrassed by what we put out there. T won’t even watch it due to the whole Israel thing. I’m recording it and fast forwarding through a LOT. Don’t even know if I’ll watch the final. After all, I’m not staying up for it to vote. And now I’ve seen all the entries I wanted to see. Personally, I’m all for Ireland’s entry. It’s raw and weird and very different. I’m also fairly certain they also included real spells in their performances. The UK’s is… Well, if we have awards for the most pandering entry, they win, hands down. Let them host it. The damned thing always costs a lot of money and is a nightmare to schedule.

Today is supposed to be very nice. High of 24C and sunny. I want to head out for a walk, but I’m not sure I can handle it with my other exercises. I feel pretty wiped out, too. After my exercises, I took the time to clean our tree’s leaves of all the dust they’d collected. Yikes. There was so much dust I had to wear a face mask. That was it. Now I feel like I don’t want to move. At all.

I’ve never been this weak. Never. Even as a fat, out of shape kid I had more muscle.

So I guess I’d better get back at it.

Progress

Managed to get a couple of very brief notes to people I’ve neglected. I’ve received messages back right away, which tells me that yes, they were worried about me and my long silence. Now the ball is back in my court, and I need to reply again.

This exhaustion is unreal. I sleep 10 hours at night and within a couple of hours of being awake, I feel like I need to nap again.

T has realised that I may never be able to use my bike again. I haven’t in years now, not since covid hit. And with my long covid getting so bad, I don’t see me using it anytime soon. So we’ll get it out of storage and sell it. T’s asked me to think about other stuff we could sell on.

Worried about immigration this year. Worried but not worried, which feels as weird as it sounds. Honestly I’m too tired and out of it to get too worked up, which I guess is a good thing. Hoping all goes well.

Keep reading that I should check in with a GP about my symptoms. Not really sure why, but I think I may schedule in an appointment. For one thing, this is worse than anything thus far and I’ve been complaining about long covid for awhile. For another, I think it should be on record that I’ve got it. Feels a bit useless, tho. Not like there’s anything they can do for me. Unless they prescribe me some uppers to get my energy up to par, but I really doubt that. I’d gobble them up, get sick again, and then get worse.

Goddess, I’d really like to wake up and feel awake.

Odd thing: smoking a bit of marijuana seems to wake me up more. I get clearer headed. I feel more alert. So I smoke. Not like before; oh no! Now I take a hit and in a couple of hours I’ll take another hit. A 5 gram baggy would probably last me 2 weeks at this rate.

Waiting for the afternoon. Then I’ll take a walk. Want to make sure I don’t feel cold, so I’m waiting for the warmest part of the day. The last thing I need is to feel cold out there while I walk. Been there, done that.

Tomorrow is the Big Day. Fysio at 8 am, with band at night. Will schedule in a nap during the day and try to make it. My big goal is to do the day and not fall ill.

Making progress. Very, very slow progress, but progress.

I think

Did a lot yesterday. Cleaned the WC and the shower room sink area. Took out glass recycling. Took care of my finger and toe nails. Then I decided I’d try for a walk. That was too much. I was dizzy, breathless, sweating, and had to cut it very, very short. I was disappointed. Been out walking a bit almost every day now and hoped I’d built up more strength. Obviously not. I have X amount of energy each day and I can spend it anyway I want, with the foreknowledge that when I’m out of energy I’m OUT of energy.

T asked if I was up for an outing. He asked yesterday, as a matter of fact. He’d heard about a huge mall up in Den Haag and wanted to check it out. I declined. An hour up on the metro, walking around the mall, and an hour back on the metro sounded WAY too much for me. Glad I said no. Today I said yes to a much smaller outing: head down to Markt Hall for some food. It’s a shorter metro ride, a shorter walk, and a much shorter time out of the house.

Still trying to build up strength for band rehearsal. Still unsure I’ll be able to do it.

Wrote a very short email to my aunt, whom I haven’t heard from for months. My fault on that; my health has been such shit! She replied, keeping me up to date on everybody. I need to get back to her again. And I need to write to B. She wrote to me in January and I haven’t responded yet.

That email from my older brother, D, still bugs me. Oh, I deleted it weeks ago. But still I think about it. The best thing to do is just let it go. He raised a Nazi. And before I blocked him, I read some of his shit on Facebook. Seemed like an outright attack on me and my beliefs, so there is no reason to get into it with him. Part of me wants to tell him what an ass he is and where he can shove it, but… That’s a losing argument. It goes nowhere and it teaches him nothing.

The one gift I’d like to give my siblings back in the states is the realisation that words matter. I don’t think they’re up to learning it, but I try. I really do try.

In the meantime, I have to agree with my shrink: if they live or die, learn or not, it won’t make much difference to me and my life. It’s best to, as I said, let it go.

Yeah. If only.

Doing lots of preventative pill taking. Preventative allergy pills, ’cause the trees are going nuts out there and I don’t need my nose to drip so much it makes me ill yet again. Take paracetamol just to make sure I’m comfortable. Take cough medicine at night to make sure I don’t have a coughing fit even though I’ve kind of gone beyond that (I hope). Make sure to eat plenty of a good variety of food. Make sure I drink a sports drink every day to keep my salt levels up. Keep warm. When I’m tired, I actually sit and rest. Close my eyes and doze if I can. This last illness… Usually when I fall ‘really ill’, I’d say I’m at a 4 or 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. Pretty down, but still alert enough to complain about being sick. This time I’d put it at a 2. It was a whole new level for me. And I know I’m not totally over it. My lips are still very pale; that’s a tell tale sign. The whole breathlessness and dizziness thing is NOT okay. And I’m still sleeping around 12 hours a day.

But I’m getting better. Stronger. I think.

Keep going

Made my shrink appointment on Thursday. It’s roughly a three block walk from the metro to the front door of his office. Took my time; it was 10 minutes before I made it. Took almost 10 minutes to catch my breath after walking. And I slept for 13 hours, proving that that tiny little excursion was almost too much for me.

Somehow, I don’t think I’ll make it to Wednesday’s band rehearsal. Can’t imagine I’ll have enough strength to make it through the entire night. Not when doing a couple of small things tires me to the point of mega sleep.

So, the ghosts are active again. Keep hearing stuff that sounds like there’s someone else in the flat. T is out right now and the noise I heard earlier made me call out ‘hello’ because it really did sound like a living person in here. Happens a lot in the evening, too. Strange noises from the kitchen area or down the hallway. Loud, distinct noises. And I’ve got bruising, too. On my arms, looking like someone was holding me back during the night. Strange bruise on my hand, too. It shows up, then seems to disappear, then comes back worse than ever.

My system is still having problems, too. If I don’t even out by Monday, I’ll see someone. This is week 4 and I’m eating regularly. I shouldn’t be having issues on the toilet, but I am. Jeez! I am SO sick and tired of being sick and tired! T is being my cheerleader, telling me he sees tiny improvements and I AM getting better. It’s tough. Real tough. Very glad he’s here with me. He’s a huge help to me.

T even picked up a new hoover. Woohoo! He tidied up before his student came this week and DAMN! The new hoover works really, really well. Cannot believe how clean everything was. Especially the rugs. They were getting quite tatty looking ’cause the old hoover wasn’t strong enough to pick up dirt from them. Now we’ve clean rugs again.

It’s supposed to get warmer over the next few days. Hoping I’ll make it out for some short excursions around the block. Just get moving a bit. Try to start building up strength again. Not looking forward to it.

But I’ll keep going.

Done with being sick

Feels like I finally have one foot in the land of the living. Man! It’s taking longer and longer for me to recover. Worried that at some point, I won’t recover. But that’s for the future, I guess. I’ll keep fighting.

Managed my shower yesterday. Hoorah! Afterwards, I did my laundry. Probably pushed it a bit. I stayed up later than I have and did far more than I have. Slept in for 12 hours again today. Don’t think I’ll make it out of my pjs today. Just too tired. But I am getting there. At last. Another week and I may be close to normal.

Tried taking a hit last night. Coughed and coughed and coughed. I’m so tired of coughing at this point I won’t try again soon. Have let a lot slide, like my phone. It died while I was close to dying and I need to charge it. But it’s too much today to stand up, find my cord, and plug it in. I have messages long overdue to friends, too. But while I’m strong enough to think about them, I’m not feeling strong enough to DO anything. Nonetheless: it’s an improvement, and I’ll take it.

The more strength I gain, the surer I am that I should have gone to hospital. Too late now. But finding out how much and how long it’s taking me to recoup, I’m positive I should have gone. This is not okay. Did not test for covid this time. Pretty sure it was active in me again. Had a night of bad muscle pain. And the coughing seemed to be the worst part of it. Other than the exhaustion and vomiting and all the rest, that is.

More than anything, my impatience with healing is the surest sign I’m recouping. Now I have to fight my inclination to get up and move. Allow myself to keep resting. Keep sleeping. If I get too active too quickly I’ll slide backwards. And I am so done with being sick!

Improvement

Coughing. Eating. Sleeping. I’m always doing one of the three these days. T finally confessed he was worried I would sicken until I had pneumonia. I was probably close. Goddess knows, I was so sick I couldn’t read or even play my games on my computer. It was just too much. Still sleeping 12 hours a night and usually taking a 1-2 hour nap in the day. And still having problems with trying to read or do anything for too long. My eyes get all wonky and I end up closing them just to rest, then fall asleep. Did not take a coronavirus test and I kind of regret that because I think I had some form of it – again. Still feeling breathless. I’ve grown strong enough to think about taking a shower sometime soon. But thinking is as far as I’ve got.

Got another shrink appointment this Thursday and that’s all I’m aiming for. If I get a shower in, great. If I can do a bit more, super duper. But I won’t hold my breath. I AM healing. Just very, very slowly.

I’ll say this much: when I can finally toke again, I’m gonna get REAL high.

T got me some cough medicine. It’s been helping. I’ve finally got movement when I cough. Sleeping with 3 pillows to get my head up as high as possible. Not the most comfortable on my neck, but I’ll live.

Man! I just don’t know anymore. It seems like all I do is move from one illness to another, barely getting ‘well’ before I fall ill again.

And for some unknown reason, our guitarist was insisting on pix from all of us so he could put together some sort of poster for our very, very small gig at the end of June. I was like: really? You gotta jump all over this NOW, 2 months in advance, for a gig practically no one will come to? He couldn’t leave it another month? Whatever. T said he’d send him some older pix of me. He offered to take a current pic, but I’ve just been so ill I nixed that idea. Kinda irritating, though. I mean…it’s a nothing gig. For one hour. At our rehearsal space. During a Sunday afternoon. Like anyone will come! *sigh* Whatever.

Oh, I’m tired again. Had some lunch and now I’m ready for my afternoon doze. Well, if I’m sleeping, I’m not coughing.

That’s an improvement.

Salt deficiency

Okay, listen up people!

Salt deficiency. The idea never occurred to T or I until he picked up a half loaf of white bread so I could have dry toast. My reaction after my first bite? I never realised how salty bread is. All I could taste is salt. So I kept eating until the salty taste disappeared. It took 3 slices. T picked up some sports drinks for me, and I’ve been sipping them all the time. I’ve been able to eat small meals. Really small meals, but I can do it. All the things I didn’t know: salt deficiency can make you vomit, cause diarrhea, exhaustion, muscle weakness, and eventually death. Considering how much I’m bouncing back from everything now that I’m increasing my salt intake, I was pretty damned low. Glad I didn’t have to go to the doc to figure this out. Not that I could have; my exhaustion was so total I was breathless walking the 10 steps from my bed to my chair. Today I’ve been up and walking (slowly) up and down the hallway. No breathlessness or dizziness. Walking a few steps actually feels good.

But, yeah. Everyone is so damned concerned with too high of a salt intake we never hear the flip side. Let me tell you: the flip side is horrible. Painful. Exhausting.

T is now on the warpath, making sure he gives me more salt. I’ve had warnings to add salt to food at the table. But it was bad. I lost all my colour, all my strength, and it was like one big loop of pain and gas and bloating and exhaustion.

Found, too, I was actually at a pretty high risk level of low sodium levels. One: I’m older. Two: I take anti-depressants. Three: I take a lot of pain relief meds. Four: I usually drink water all day. By the time you add in the week of loose bowels, the vomiting and all the rest, it’s little wonder my salt levels fell so far.

I feel clearer in my brain. I can think better. My eyesight has improved. I’m feeling stronger. I actually have an appetite. And today was the first day since this began that I actually peed enough I could have given a urine sample. Up ’til this morning, it was just a few dark yellow drips. All in all, I think I’m finally on the mend.

But watch out for salt deficiency! If you make your food from scratch and purposefully do low salt meals (like me), you could be at risk. If you take anti-depressants and pain relief (like me), you could be at risk. Do NOT let it get out of control. My advice is to try drinking a sports drink every day to keep the salt deficiency symptoms away. It’s the minimum. But be very, very careful of this. Trust me: if it gets bad enough, you’ll end up in hospital. I probably should have gone. But I would have needed an ambulance, cause I couldn’t make it any other way. I know there are many people out there who eat that highly prepped food and are more at risk for high salt levels. Do not forget about low salt level problems!

Oh, man! I am SO happy to feel a bit better!

Update

It began like a dripping tap. My nose ran so much and so fast that there were times I couldn’t reach fast enough for a tissue and snot dripped down my face. Then came the cough. Ragged and terrible sounding. T whipped up a batch of green chicken soup. Which was great, until the vomiting began. Vomit, vomit, vomit, all day Wednesday. The last time was nothing more than some water and stomach acid. Sleep is more than just hit and miss; I am still sweating through everything at night. And I mean everything. My pjs, my pillows, my blankets: everything wet. Waking up almost every hour to cough up a storm. I feel so weak it’s hard to do anything. Everything makes me breathless. Getting up to get some food makes me breathless. Going to the toilet makes me breathless. It’s bad. I don’t know if I had yet another bout of covid or if whatever this is/was just made my long covid symptoms worse. I’m too tired to see a doctor. And since I finally seem to be on the mend, there’s really no reason. Right? Unless it just drags on and on.

Managed to eat twice already today. Mashed potatoes and poached chicken. I only have a little bit each time. My system got SO off that I had problems trying to digest anything yesterday. Gas, bloating, burping, farting, and let’s not talk about bathroom time! My ass is burning from all the acids.

Just can’t get enough sleep, either. I went down for 13 hours. And after I got up, all I wanted was to sleep some more.

Outside the weather is improving. Warmer, sunnier, just nicer all the way around. Of course. I always seem to fall ill when this happens.

I will recover. I will. Goddess, please don’t let this set me back even more. It was hard enough where I was with long covid. If it’s made even worse by this… Let’s just say it sounds very tough. VERY tough.

T is totally supportive. Fixing me food, telling me I’ll be okay. Loads of sympathy. Which I needed, ’cause the day of vomiting was really bad.

But it was only one day. I’m past that. I’m getting food and water down. Still not drinking coffee; worried about how it could affect my tummy. Crap is coming out of my sinuses – not looking healthy at all. I’ll get back on my feet, and then find out how much it’s affected me. Hoping I’ll feel stronger and less breathless on the other side. Until then, it’s rest and food and water.