Met with L yesterday. Many things hung off that meeting: would I continue to be a board member, would the group ever see another script by me, etc. I was a bit nervous.
Got down to the place we were meeting early. Stopped at the library and returned my finished book. Haven’t looked for anything else for over the holidays yet; want to head to my local branch and see what they have.
…Have I expressed my regret over any dissing I ever did of L? Let me lay it out: I take everything back. Everything. If she ever asks for recognition, she bloody well deserves it. She’s the one arguing with venues, probably getting ulcers as they diss her on replies and dates months after we thought we had everything taken care of. She’s the one kicking the director in the butt to get on schedule. She’s the one talking and working with M, the other board member, 24 hours a day because they happen to work together at the same place and, like me, L never really shuts off. If it isn’t our theatre group, it’s her other theatre group.
I suspect the other board members asked L to feel me out during the meeting. lol! Here I was, doing the same on my side, trying to pussy foot around a few things and find out where we stand without being vulgar. Bless her. She asked me straight up: How do you feel about working with D? She said she wanted to audition again. I didn’t miss a beat: I won’t work with her. Not in the same production. But I’m happy to do the PR, take pictures, write the blog, and do everything I can to promote the group. I told L I felt completely dissed by D. I relayed to her that I knew I was shaking really badly during the episode and I regretted that, but that’s how angry I was. I told her I still don’t know what happened, that I thought I was being good and not saying much, but obviously I said or did something D didn’t like. I discussed my decision about wanting to be part of the solution rather than the problem, and L smiled. We then spent a good ten minutes talking scripts. I left with: Anything I can do to help you over the next few months, just let me know. I see who does the work behind the scenes. L laughed and hugged me. She asked if I’d be willing to film her other group. That’s what she wanted the camera for, but the tripod is a tiny thing and it would be better if I was there running the camera. Of course I jumped at that: a chance to see her behind the scenes in another group, a chance to see the play without having to pay, and a chance to help her out. I’m all for it.
Came home to find the director had finally replied about Tuesday. So far, all the board can make it. L and I decided we needed to push that meeting thru so we can come to a decision before the holidays.
I feel better. Assured. Ready to help and be a part of the group.
And the best thing? L still REALLY wants to do my script. She even mentioned getting an October venue date set in stone and doing it for Halloween, like I originally wanted to…
We may get snow this weekend. It’s been cold enough that the frost behind the building hasn’t melted for 2 days. Every time I think it’s damned cold I remember the paintings I’ve seen of the Dutch canals frozen over so hard that people skate on them. THAT’s cold. We’re chilly. Brr.
Time to hang Xmas lights. Time to do the dishes, my laundry. Get back to the gym and walk out my back.
Thank you, Universe, for not giving me the worst case scenario. Thank you, me, for hanging in there and keeping the panic from driving me to do worst. And thank you, L, for everything. For meeting with me, for talking straight with me, for the hugs and the smiles, for everything.
For the first time in weeks I feel totally clear. No hidden anxieties eating me up.
I’m ready to work.