The Dutch do like their fireworks.
Celebrations began in the morning, but let’s face it: very few want to set off fireworks in the day. Nonetheless, every hour on the hour I heard celebrations. Whoohoo! It’s New Year somewhere! The real fun here, tho, begins at 6 in the evening.
BOOM! WHIZ! CRACK!
As the hours continue, I believe our neighbors get into a pissing contest. Someone sets off a bigger firework and then everyone must follow suit: Yes, we saw what you got and we have bigger. By the time 9 p.m. comes it’s just non-stop. A small lag around 40 minutes past the hour; they’ve shot their load for that hour and are busy refilling. Then it starts again, anticipating the next on the hour celebration.
As the noise increased, (BOOM!) I let my mind wander. (ZOOM!) And I realized that I was not creating a mystery (CRACK!) but a burglary. You could blow up an entire building in NL on NYE and I’m not sure anyone would notice. It’s loud. Damned loud.
Heard from a cousin of mine. He sounded unhappy. And drunk. Sadly, he’s an alcoholic and has fought with those demons most of his life. Wasn’t really ready to deal with it at midnight last night, but I’m thinking I may send him a message today. He’s also been diagnosed with ADHD, and was on medication for it. I don’t know if he’s still on meds or not. His comment to me was: ‘I’m all alone, like always’. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen him included in those family gathering pix his brother posts. He was the black sheep, just like me. We’ve tended to stick together over the years because of that. I’m a bit wary of opening up a can of worms, tho. If he’s off his meds AND drinking, it’ll be a lot of long and meandering conversations. More talk of coming over here, tho that’s just talk. My cousin is a few years younger than me and… Okay. Own up to it: I feel I ruined him. He always had a crush on me and I took advantage of that when I was lonely. I think I was his first true love, and between his problems and drinking he never really got over it. I feel responsible for what happened. I was older than he, and I never took his feelings seriously. This…thing between us was there from the start. Even as a child he had a crush on me, and followed me everywhere. I can’t take responsibility for that side of it. I do take responsibility for how I handled it: poorly. Selfishly. It’s a truth about me I’ve grudgingly accepted, tho it sits uneasily with me. I want to fix it, but I don’t know how.
The only thing I can even do is just be. Live, and be the example to him. Be there, even in his drunkenness – tho with safety guards built in (for instance, we chat on FB but he doesn’t have my phone number; I can’t deal with calls at 3 in the morning). It’s not easy for me. But I also know he has a negative energy about him. He sucks life out of everyone and everything around him. I’ve dealt with it before. His family has dealt with it, which is why (I suspect) he’s not included in those family gathering photos. That is something he must change, and thus far, he hasn’t.
…Somehow, on top of it all and despite my precautions, I’ve caught a cold. My head is stuffed up and my throat is raw. My bro feels ill, too. We’ve a new chili verde sitting on the cooker. Burn it out with hot sauce. And vit C drink and naps. Lots of naps.
Happy New Year.