Things to do:
- Get up off my ass.
No more long afternoons sitting on my butt, watching YouTube vids.
Ach! Newton coulda just studied me for his theory of gravity. Once in motion, I’m difficult to stop and once I’ve stopped it’s difficult to get moving again.
I’ve grown wide again. Weight doesn’t really hang off me left to right, as I look in a mirror. My silhouette is my silhouette. But I get thick. When I turn to the side I see it. It’s like watching the trunk of a tree grow. It always looks like the same tree, but the trunk gets thicker each year. I hate it.
Have to get online and order my injections. The hospital sent me a notice that said: It seems you’re due to order your injections again; we’ve changed our website and now you’ve gotta jump thru a ring of fire before we’ll connect you. Just a warning! Geez. Am I the only one left wondering over the fact that if they know I’m due for more injections why don’t they just ask to schedule a delivery date? Why make me jump thru the ring of fire? Seriously!
Whispers of possible snowfall are out on the internet weather stations. It looks it, too. Seems Monday was our only sunshine for the whole month. We’re back to solid iron grey skies and dark; the automatic lights around the city shine all day long. If I’m honest, it’s a thousand times better for my eyes. Bright light hurts my head every time. My right pupil doesn’t react the same as my left and the disparity between the two is part of my headache problem; that much I’ve discovered. Been avoiding my glasses the past few days. While I still have sinus headaches from time to time (especially if I bend over for something), I don’t have the other headaches I was experiencing: sharp pain in the lower back of my skull. That, undoubtedly, is eye strain. I used to have some fun laser cut glasses. They threw rainbows around everywhere you looked. Use them long enough and you’ll get pain in the same area of your head because your eyes are straining to make sense of what you’re seeing. While I’m not thrilled to go back to seeing the world with that softened edge, I am thrilled to not have so much head pain every damned day. And the semi-darkness that sits over Rotterdam right now helps me out a lot; no squinting or shielding my eyes from bright sunlight.
Found myself very uneasy the other night as my bro and I watched some Ghost Adventures before I toddled off to bed. Let’s get this straight: I’m the first to make fun of Zak and the guys. They’re flipping hilarious, and I’m building a spoof based on the show. I’m also well aware a lot of what’s shown is bullshit and not worth anything. GA is an entertainment show first. However. Even fools stumble into fearful situations from time to time. I do not make light of anything they ‘chase’. That, in my opinion, is a mistake. My brother is far more arrogant than I, tho. He began poking fun at something I didn’t think he should and I had to ask him to please stop and not make light of it. He was surprised. He shouldn’t be, really. I am far more apt to carry the physical repercussions of encounters than he. I feel my writing and research puts me in harm’s way enough; the household doesn’t need to seek out anything else or add fuel to the fire.
It’s been a long time since I woke up at precisely 3:15 a.m. Thankfully. It was a nightly occurrence for so long I became convinced 3:15 was the time of my death. I’m talking decades. All of it at my family home in Wisconsin. Lately I’ve been looking into the history of the area and my childhood memories. Last night I saw 3:15 on the dot once again. Coincidence? Some deeply hidden trigger within me? I can’t say for sure. But I can say I knew it was 3:15 a.m. before I looked at the clock. I felt it. It was the same feeling I had every night in my parents’ home at that time.
Some sites I’ve read say that the whole night-time wake up at the same time every night (particular in the 3 a.m. range) is indicative of spirit attachment, or some sort of spirit communication while I sleep.
Frankly, I don’t know what to think.
What I can say is this: as I write and cull through my childhood memories, it seems that I can cite many strange and unexplained things throughout that time. I never put it all down in one place before. Guess I didn’t realize how many ‘encounters’ or just weird stuff have happened. Lining it up, from start to finish… It’s long. And full.
Feeling a little deja vu. Kinda creepy because nothing in my current life really lines up with anything in my past. But still, it’s there. A film descends over my mind’s eye and I see/remember things from my past. It’s all feeling and no logic.
Is this some second childhood? Some break in my brain, some review of the past every middle aged person must endure?
Or is it something else?