I am, literally, thirty seconds off closing down some new writing. Had to stop. I found a prejudice in my writing. Making men all the bad guys. Including stereotypical gender role violence. And I’m making the hero a heroine again. While I acknowledge that strong roles for women are always needed, I’m concerned over my immediate pigeon-holing of this type of man or that type of man.
Tough stuff. As a writer, my work reflects me. Always understood that. In fact, that’s more true than ever these days. I purposefully insert my own experiences into my work, and that includes spousal violence, rape, betrayal, jealousy, envy, insane wrath…the list goes on and on.
But I don’t want that to be my thing. I don’t want people to read my work and see the same situations played out over and over. I know a writer (more than one, actually) who does that. Bo-ring!
So I am considering adding yet another layer to this script. Flipping things around.
Ye Gods, I’m grasping for the stars on this one. I don’t know if anyone will understand what the hell goes on. I smell a David Lynch fueled what the fuck thing coming out, sans special effects.
The weather has cooled down. No real precipitation, but at least we’ll lose less water through evaporation. I’m happy to be able to feel comfortable in my regular clothes.
My psoriasis problem has gone gonzo on my hands. Still haven’t called for a new prescription for that medicine. Will have to this week. I’m squeezing the last bit of the creme out of the tube now.
Hope this week to get back to a semblance of normality. Keep saying that, I know. But now that I can get outside without dyin’ in ten minutes I think I can run those errands and make a return to the gym. Get the back drop cleaned so I can start to shoot those vids. Check online for Garage Band instructions so I can do some basic editing on my computer. Want to make sure I make enough progress on the big projects that I don’t feel guilty when the story finally [Finally!!] comes out of me. Have made three starts on this already. Crossing my fingers the fourth is the last adjustment.
Scoured a website for my make-up wish list. That was fun. Chose as many lowest cost products as I could. Also tried to make sure I chose as many products from the business’ line as I could. Retail value online is over 400 euro. I’m figuring the cost to the business is less than half that. Still. I feel like I’m asking for a lot. I know I’m not, but I can’t shake the feeling. Really hope I can work my magic and make it happen.
I’ll get something from the make-up business. Maybe not everything on my wish list, but something. I can get the newsletter done, the videos, everything I have planned. Got it all worked out.
…Did I eat yet? I don’t think so…
Still have a bit more to do on my homework. And I need to check as much as I can against online sources. Ugh!
Did manage to check my production notes. For now, they’re done. Undoubtedly I’ll need to adjust them in future. Holding off sending them to the director because… Well, why bother him during summer? I know no one else is going as manic as me on this. I’ll just come when meetings are called and present stuff then. In danger of overloading people that way, I know. Months of work thrown at them in one go. Have to hold back on that, too. Should really go thru my list and prioritize my September work: push the newsletter through. October and November can be production notes, videos, and vocal recordings. Churn out a Christmas newsletter, then use the holidays to finish up the marketing, vids, recordings, and whatever. Geez…can’t forget about the props, either. Well, that’s why I need to lay this all out for everyone. Find who can help where and with what. Delegate.
I’m not good at that. Never have been. Too many times I’ve been disappointed and let down. It seems I’m not good at communicating precisely what I want. I’ve tried writing out instructions, walking people through it… Doesn’t help. Stuff still gets screwed up, or they just don’t do it, or whatever. Hm. Comes down to trusting other people and letting go. I need to trust they’ll at least try, and let go of my expectations and ideals. The best way to do that is to identify jobs that are less vital to the scenes. Yeah…
And I don’t have to do that alone. That’s something the director and I can work on together.
*sigh* Still. Have to get past the mountain of work I’ve got lined up without blowing people away.
So, yeah. Freeze, woman! Take your next step carefully! Step back and think clearly. Your head is still cooking, as evidenced by the many attempts to get this new story out. You’ve a breathing space right now. Take it.