After an intensive writing session yesterday, my rough combined outline is complete. Seven filled pages, single spaced. Three acts, four scenes each. The acts I already knew; the scenes were simple once I combined all the individual outlines. I’ve a few notes to insert, mostly to remind myself of someone’s motivation or to add in some wartime/pilot dialogue here and there. Still have to find some last names; even I’m not concentrating on those, and I certainly don’t expect the audience to. I need to bone up on a bit of mechanics on the planes, military etiquette, and I want to find and pull instructions for a correct salute for the Red Army.
Skipped out on gym exercise. By the time I was done writing, I was dead tired.
Today I hit the housework – dishes, garbage, recycling, hoovering, dusting, mirrors, sinks, toilet. Feels good, at the end of the week, to know I’ve completed all this work.
More than on schedule. That feels good, too.
Looking ahead. Been thinking of another thriller. Hate to say that a lot will depend on what theatres want rather than my creative impulses, but it’s true. I’ll write to fit their requirements, so if no one wants a thriller it’ll just sit in my subconscious…at least for now.
Wishing I had a different reward system in place. My falls backs are food and smoking – both of which I’m trying to avoid. It’s hard to find something to fill that gap.
Need to do some shopping. Take a hundred euro, and go to the stores. Find at least one other pair of shorts (I’ve only one pair I feel comfortable in), and something other than my endless run of T-shirts (which range from old white T’s with sweat stains under the arms to solid color T’s with burn holes in them; perfect for the gym but nothing else). And my underwear! Good Goddess, my mother will return from the dead just to DIE again if I ever get in an accident and someone sees them (the proverbial threat of my childhood about stained underwear).
My feet are healing slowly. The long, hot spell we had really did a number on them. The psoriasis I suffer from (thank you, RA!) flared up, as did a nasty case of athlete’s foot. I’m so embarrassed about how they look I won’t even consider wearing sandals right now, so I’m doubly thankful for the cooler temps we’ve been having.
I miss having a female friend. Someone to hang out with, go shopping with. Someone who’ll help me with my really poor taste in clothing. You know – the kind of friend you can spend hours talking to about nothing much at all. Or everything. Haven’t had that for a long, long time.
Goddess, and I miss having a job! Somewhere to go to during the week. Some manner of making money on a regular basis. Thinking I’ll do some volunteer work over the summer, if I can. Just to get me out and involved with people.
Saw a Buddha in someone’s window today as I was taking out the garbage, which got me thinking about prayer and supplication. I guess we all send out a little prayer to the Universe from time to time; please, let this happen or please help me. I don’t know if I actually can claim to have any faith. I lose it so often in the face of life’s obstacles. I feel so weak.
I doubt so much.
And there’s always that caveat – be careful what you ask for. Yeah, that haunts me….
But if I were to pray – and today being Sunday I can’t help but think about praying – I’d hope someone would hear me, and pity me, and grant me the following:
Grant me sustaining faith. Help me remember the good times. Give me the courage to make friends, to be understanding and kind. And guide me, somehow, to a place where I can take care of myself.
Amen.
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