Root myself, and fly

The problem with words is their vagueness. If I say ‘blue’, what color comes to mind? Light, egg shell blue or deep, dark navy? Both are blue. Neither are the color I had in mind. Words take on significance through experience – unfortunately, every person’s experiences are different, which results in different shades of meaning for each and every word anyone has ever thought up.

Take ‘morning’. Here, in the Netherlands, the time between midnight and six a.m. is called ‘night’, not ‘morning’; in the states, I’d say ‘I woke up at 5 in the morning’ but here it’s ‘I woke up in the night, at 5’. Gotta disagree with the Dutch on this one. Five is in the morning, not the night. The sun is coming up. The birds are singing. And if you’re someone who’s never made it up at 5, never seen the sunrise or smelled that fresh-day-coming scent that pours through your window, you’ve no idea what I’m talking about.

This is morning. Why aren’t more people up and about?

Well, well. One night of rehearsal and my sleep schedule is more than two hours out of whack. Fell asleep watching tv last night, then went to bed where I promptly woke up to toss and turn for an hour before drifting off again. Yesterday morning I was praying for quiet, so I could lie in and continue to rest. Today’s quiet was too loud; made me get up, smell the air, and that was it. Once I smell that scent from outside I can’t get back to sleep. It’s too full of possibility. Later in the day a new scent will arise – one of baked earth and concrete, hot metal and asphalt, cut grass and searing flesh on a barbeque. And the day will be set in olfactory stone – it’s hot, hot, hot! But now…now, everything is open. Anything can happen.

I love it.

Saw the new Ridley Scott film, Alien Covenant. Need to see it again before giving voice to any comment. The Alien franchise is next to holy-holy for me (and Cameron is, therefore, the devil) and Scott is a walking demi-god as far as directors go. Goddess, how I’d love Scott to do a film script I wrote! …There were proper bits of horror that had me squishing myself into my seat in uncomfortable positions no 50+ woman should ever try to get into to. *big grin* Can’t wait to own Covenant, and do the whole run – Prometheus through the Alien Quad mixed with the Predator Saga (all viewed in chronological movie time order). Only way to do it.

Today: burn myself out at the gym. A proper, no holds barred work-out. I want to come back dripping wet, exhausted, and in need of food. After that, I’ll think about writing. Or I’ll take a nap. I refuse to make that decision now.

Free floating bits of anxiety keep nipping at me. Just out of nowhere. Vigilance! Just because I defeat depression one day doesn’t mean I can ease up on my routine. Now is the time to attack without raising a hand.

Root myself, and fly.


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