It feels good


Ah, to play the star again. No writing, no direction, no cinematography – just get up and act. Be the role.

My prep for the first night of auditions was needed. Despite anticipating a few dozen people to show up there were fewer than 10 of us there, and all but one were long time participants with the group. I was one of two women, so I got to strut my stuff three times with different male actors. Loads, loads, loads of fun. But I didn’t see anyone I wanted to ask to my read through. 😦 Hoping they show up on Tuesday night, which I will still go to (although there’s no need for me to audition again). I took what was on offer last night, and what was on offer was light heartedness and a seemingly genuine happiness to see me back. I smiled and chatted, participated, felt the fool and laughed at myself.

I also hit my lines perfectly, each and every time.

Got thru the phone call (ugh) in Dutch (UGH) to make an appointment for my hearing trouble. Had to switch to English. I don’t know…maybe it’s my hearing problem, maybe it was her accent, maybe she used all the words I don’t know yet, but I just couldn’t understand what was going on. Don’t feel great about that, but telling myself it’s okay. I tried, and that’s what counts. First time they had open was in May, so I’m waiting another 4 weeks before anything changes for me.

Headache this morning. Not the subtle kind I sometimes get, the ones that I wake up to and realize I have a bit of pain in my brain. Nope. Today was the WAKE UP kind, the ones that pound relentlessly at your forehead and temples and force you to get up.

Been completing ignoring the rolling tumbleweeds in my inbox(es), and allowing myself to fall into writing again. Cannot say how long I wrote yesterday because I didn’t look at the clock and I’ve no concept of time when I write. But I did map out the radio drama. Put in three narration spots, borrowing passages from my original short story. Wrote out the first scene and a climax scene that’s almost completely sound effects. Decided I just can’t keep calling my characters ‘cop’ and ‘schoolkid 1’, so I did what I always do (that little bit of extra insanity you don’t know about unless you look for it): I researched the meanings of names and chose each character’s name to reflect their primary purpose in the script. Probably something no one will ever catch onto. But it’s there.

Ready to send an SMS to my teacher blowing off my lesson today and head right back into the script.

Really feeling the flux around me. Don’t know what’s going to occur. Don’t know how I’ll manage to juggle things if everything I’ve thrown up into the air comes back to me at the same time.

I do know I put myself out there. Put my best foot forward. Gave it my all.

It feels good.


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