The waiting game


Relief. That was my reaction this morning as I turned on the tv to see the Dutch election results. The people of this country didn’t let me down; they turned out in droves and made sure Wilders learned he’s not the big dog in the yard. Not everyone on this planet is insane.

Been out in the world. Walking in the sunshine. Going to class. Trying to reach the world again. Since my hearing went wonky, I’ve felt there’s a wall between me and everything else. It’s hard to hear, I don’t taste much, and I can’t smell much. Case in point: I made my morning oatmeal as usual and didn’t notice the milk had gone sour until I tasted something “a little off” in the first bite. But I’m trying.

The gym is still a far off dream for me: turning my head, or worse still, tilting it, results in so much dizziness I don’t feel safe on any of the gym equipment. Hell! Walking straight is tough. And I should know; I’ve more than noticed how much I stagger down paths, never keeping a straight line. I have to pay attention, purposefully put my feet down straight, purposefully keep correcting my path to a somewhat straight line – and it’s hard.

Have cause to say yippee today – yippee! Received the bill from the dentist and it’s less costly than I feared. Tomorrow I’m back there, seeing the hygienist. Ugh. Not looking forward to it, but telling myself by noon it’ll be all over.

Language class today was difficult. I’m rusty speaking Dutch, and my teacher has the habit of holding her hand near her mouth and half-covering it as she speaks, which makes it tougher to understand her. But I got through it. Really want to find a book in the language I enjoy reading. While I’ve been tackling Bridget Jones, it’s not easy, and it’s not written in full, proper sentences. I’ve got a recommendation written down, and hope to get out this weekend to buy a copy. Goddess! Let it be something that captures my interest and gets me to read more. Slogging through a book in Dutch is so damned annoying! I don’t want to read silly stories about giants or a family of squirrels. But adult subjects often come with adult language and grammar, which are still beyond me. So I slog through adult stories I want to read, and lose interest in the giant and squirrel family stories I can read.

Meh. I want to do so much more. Physically, with the language…and all of it is out of reach right now. I believe I’m receiving a lesson in patience.

I’ve never been good at the waiting game.


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