Everything a-kilter

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Four weeks. It’s a departure from the two week recurring theme in my life, tho I could go on about four weeks simply being a double whammy of my two week running gag. That’s how long I’m supposed to use this new nasal spray and put up with poor hearing: four weeks. To give my doc her props, she did tell me I should notice an improvement every week and if I don’t I need to see her again. Though I wonder if I can properly judge this problem objectively; what’s an improvement? More whistling that obscures people’s speech? It is sound coming in, which is a step up from the dead nothingness I began with. The tubes in my ears are almost completely closed off; the doc said she could see the openings and they were very, very small.

Still can’t tell if I have ringing in my right ear because the left is too loud.

The weather has turned from petulant spring to an overflow of early summer joy. Where once rain dappled every nook and corner, sunlight is drenching the ground, teasing the early flowers up from the earth. Buds swell and burst on the trees in one afternoon.

It makes me want to go, go, go, but I still have to be careful with this dizziness.

More than that, this continued ill health makes me feel like everything’s on hold. Exercise, outdoor activity, language lessons, writing – I even feel I can blame the slow progress (or non progress, since there’s still no e-mail) of the theatre group on my ill health, tho I know that’s silly.

Ugh.

Put on my pair of fat jeans today. Simultaneously glad they looked so good on me and upset I’ve put enough weight back on that they’re not hanging off me. I just can’t win with my weight issues.

Had an exciting thought regarding the script I finished. Part of me feels the story already addresses sexual identity because I chose to make the character most like me a male and not a female, but that’s one of my hidden things that only those closest to me understands. The play doesn’t scream sexual identity. But it could. The characters were built around my own family, who tend to play out stereotypical sexual behavior. But what if I blurred the line? What if the ‘male’ characters were played by women, and the ‘female’ characters played by men? What if the names of all the characters were non-sexual: Francis, Chris, Alex, Charlie, Bobby, Sean? What then?

Then I tip the world on its head. Seems appropriate. The world’s a bit off balance for me right now; let my work reflect that.

Everything a-kilter.

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