Give me a chance


Small bites: what can I do right now? Break it down.

This mentality has led me to (1) pay for my gym membership, (2) do the run downtown for household smoke, (3) do dishes, (4) make up a batch of my famous blueberry muffins using the last of my frozen berries, (5) begin pulling, reading, and prepping another contract for my brother, and (6) prep for grocery shopping once the muffins are done and dinner is in the oven.

Well done!

In addition: currently smoking my 2nd of the day, which is 2 less than I faced yesterday at the same time.

I am ignoring my continued hearing (and dizziness) problem, just the same as I’m continuing to ignore all the Dutch I read that I don’t fully comprehend. See the positive rather than the negative. I have accomplished things. I am getting thru my current book in Dutch. Have to teach myself to say ‘yea!’ rather than ‘nay!’.

Speaking of reading – currently making my way thru Bridgette Jones’ Diary in Dutch (Anna Karenina in English, but that’s not relevant here). There’s an awful lot I don’t understand, but I did once read it in English (plus saw the films; who didn’t?) so I’m able to keep up with the gist of the story. Thing is, each section begins with a daily total on weight, alcohol, and cigarettes. I find myself relating to it (wonder why – ha) and for once, not feeling shamed as my eyes run over the numbers…20 cigarettes, 2472 calories…it puts my consumption rate in perspective for me. Thank you, Helen Fielding!

Mmm. I’m about to make it rain warm blueberry muffins with cinnamon topping. You really don’t know what you’re missing.


Back to Earth: Was encouraged by my bro to ‘stop and take a look’ at a shopping center. Really? When you’re making me sweat the cost of my dental visits? I scoff at the idea. I’ve no reason to walk thru a cake shop when I’m trying to lose weight, either. Gimme a break.

No word from the theatre group. No email, no Facebook notification…for a group that claims to be using all these new fangled gadgets (every single one has a smart phone, tablet, and probably computer as well), they sure don’t seem to communicate much. My bro has called it: amateur. Oh, I accepted I wasn’t walking into a professional deal here, but I didn’t realize it was a group designed to serve the members of the group first and foremost. You know the kind – the group developed as a cover to promote themselves. They were never really interested in new members; not as far as I can tell. If one was interested in new members, one would do things differently. Bloody hell! My mind is made up: I’m not asking, I’m doing. Standing up and asking the people there for help. Not the theatre group; the people there. If the theatre group doesn’t like that – well, I don’t really need to finish that last part, do I?

Feels like all these things I’m doing are little prayers. Supplications at the foot of the Goddess: look how much I can do here! Give me a chance! 

Oh, please. Give me a chance.


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