My fun and sunny day never showed up. It remained cloudy and cool, with no forthcoming suggestion from my brother to let loose and treat myself. Rather the opposite; I was asked how many boxes I wanted for the living room area and what colors. So my original plan was resurrected and I cleaned. NOT top to bottom as my head kept telling me I should do, but an all around pick up and tidy which was easier on me and more effective visually than super cleaning one spot.
I am VERY unsophisticated. It’s not that I don’t like nice things – I do. But I see no reason to have clothes you can’t relax in, furniture you can’t sit in, carpets you can’t walk on, all to keep things ‘nice’. That’s asinine behavior from people who have too much money. We don’t sit in that room unless we have company. Say whaaaaat? Where do you live, Downton Abbey?
My house is so small…
How small is it?
I should have a slew of jokes ready for that. I’ve only got the one, and it’s only for my bedroom: My bedroom is so SMALL that when a mouse moved in I had to get an extension put on.
Anyway, my home is as unsophisticated as I. Color schemes don’t exist. Stuff is just stored as neatly as possible. My brother…he isn’t quite a hoarder, but he comes close. We carried some broken studio equipment from the US to Canada to Ireland (paying $$ each time) because ‘maybe someday’ he’d get it fixed and use it. And hey! What do you call someone with 15,000 comics? He’s got a lot of stuff. If you saw the wall of DVDs…well, you’d say it looks like a rental DVD place, and you’d be right. There might be more than a thousand.
My point is I won’t bother trying to bring this living room together into any cohesive whole. There’s the tv corner, the studio corner, the kitchen corner, and the dining/computer corner. There you have it: the full layout of the living room. It’s packed. It’s also now colorful. My bro is as childish as I am at heart, so he had no problem getting boxes in every color they had. Green, turquoise, red, orange, dark blue, yellow. A bit more of that and the living room will echo the colors in my bedroom. Combine the colors with two dominating windows, one to the east and one to the west which flood the living room in perpetual light, and it’s a light hearted room to be in despite the clutter.
The good mood generated from seeing the house neater just keeps on snowballing. Get one spot cleaned up, move some stuff around, and suddenly a LOT is tidier. Spent quite a bit of time yesterday opening up my kitchen cupboards. That used to be asking for a pile of kitchenware to fall out onto the floor. Now I can see where stuff is and what I have.
Also tidied up the light fixtures, which right now are nothing more than hanging bare bulbs ala ‘Hollow Hills’ from Bauhaus on the Reunion Tour (anyone? other than me?). They used to be hanging bare bulbs with big gaping holes where the wires come out. Now they’re all capped. Unfortunately, we lost electric to one of our outlets. Just happens to be the outlet I plug my computer and the studio into. Going to have to call in an electrician to find the fault. I spent about 2 hours yesterday afternoon without access to my computer, and never in the history of the WORLD has there been two longer hours. Man! I thought I jonesed when I stopped smoking. Nothing compared to going cold turkey from my computer. Suddenly I couldn’t write, I couldn’t play, I couldn’t access the internet to talk to anyone. I felt like there was very little I could do to fill my time: only tv or reading. I take back every gentle laugh, every joke, every thing I ever said that might have been disparaging to people who’d lost their mobiles. If they live on them like I live on my computer, I now understand. It’s almost like a death. We rely on our phones and computers so much that when they’re gone they leave this big hole in our lives that’s damned difficult to fill.
Modern day addiction. I can see why clinics are opening up to help people off their gadgets.
Guess that’s the set up to talk about smoking – my personal addiction. It’s going well, thank you. Smoking one now. Will smoke again after breakfast. Will smoke this afternoon while I play and enjoy the new cleanliness of the living room. Right now all I ask of myself is that I don’t smoke so heavily my smoker’s cough returns.
Today is the girl’s day. Time for me to ask what she wants to talk about and give her space to ramble on. I’m less uneasy about doing that since I’ve not been thrown by it. I feel like I can talk to myself, discover a thing or two, but not carry any negativity from remembered emotions or scenarios. Feels like I’m developing some space between hurtful memories and the person I see as me. I’m more apt these days to take a look at what the other people in my memories might have been going thru rather than just blame them. Don’t know if that’s ‘right’ or not. Maybe I need to process more. Maybe I’m just ready to move on. After all, I’ve already spent the better part of my life trying to figure out why I am the way I am.
I’ve no delusions that I’ll come to an ‘end’. The only ‘end’ to personal growth is death, and on the right day I’ll even argue THAT. But since we reside in a linear time reality, we really are on an unending journey of self discovery. Our memories add up; we make decisions over ourselves, our friends and loved ones, and our world based on what we make of our personal history.
For now, I’m on a stable layer. A peel on the Onion of Truth that isn’t ready to slide off in your hand.
And damn! Today the Onion isn’t even a crier. Must be vidalia season.