Where do we go now?

I’ll say the rain woke me up. Yeah. It was that noisy damned rain splashing against my window. And when I fall asleep this afternoon in my chair, it’ll be the rain’s fault again.

If you’re wondering, my hair is soft, my face is moisturized, and my nails have been tidied up and nourished so I don’t keep getting those little strips of skin that half pick up and then bleed for four days. I don’t remember what film I watched. Something fluffy enough that the plot eludes me after less than 24 hours from viewing it.

I slept for 6 hours last night.

Can a bad song haunt you? I’ve got one going now that’s a real bitch. A bit of pop nonsense that’s being used on an advert in rotation, and I woke up with it in my head. Not even the whole song; as is usual in this type of thing, only one phrase keeps repeating over and over, and it’s a nonsense ‘whoa, oh, oh’ line. Fucking hate that. Especially when the song isn’t mine. Not that I begrudge someone getting their song used commercially; damn! That’s what I want. No. It’s just when I’ve got a song in the works I hate when my head gets distracted by something else. For me, it’s like reading a strong author while in the middle of writing my own story. Chances are I’ll pick up an inflection or two, and I don’t want that. I’ve got to wipe my brain with rubbing alcohol today.

The weather is as bad as predicted. It may be a day where lights are welcomed all day long. Ew. And I must. go out. in it. Didn’t get my lotto ticket yet. Yesterday’s mindset that a blizzard was coming is still a good one to hold onto. I’ll treat it like snow. Bundle up, expect to be cold and wet, and plan on toweling off and warming up with something when I get back. While I do not like getting wet, that kind of thing CAN make me appreciate the comfort and warmth of my home even more than usual. I’ll play on that today, because facing the wrath of January winds armed with cold rain is not a pleasant prospect, planned warm up afterwards or no.

If I told you my mind hasn’t replayed my appointment with Yoda over and over I’d be lying. It’s been non-stop retrospective ever since, picking over everything I said (oh god! did I really put it that way?) and everything we talked about, resulting in scrunched shoulders and tightness in various parts of my body. Maybe the worst part of it this morning is knowing that I won’t see him again for a month, that these bits I feel I left dangling must continue to dangle for another 30 days. I almost wish I HAD told him about this blog, so he could check in as he pleased to see where my head is on any given day.

Yes, I know. Let it go. Easier said than done.

Today jack-all is planned. It’s still my holiday time. That doesn’t mean I won’t get things done, it just means I’m not planning to tackle a hundred things today. No lists, unless it’s for grocery shopping. My dust bunny farm does need tending; those little babies need roping and branding. Think I should call in some help for this here round up. There’s a warren of them under my bed that have dug in deep.

At least the dust bunny infestation is quiet, unlike my (new?) neighbors in the apartment below us. Sounds like they’re building a perpetual motion machine down there, complete with rolling balls that get let go at one end of the apartment and travel the entire length to drop into a hole or something. Either that or they’re planning a bowling lane. They’re determined little beavers, too. Up and at it by 8 a.m.

I have zero guilt over the idea of turning on my PA these days.

Found a fun Dutch program to watch. I’ve tuned into kids programs to help learn the language, but let’s face it: there’s only so long I can sit thru cartoons made for 5 year olds. This new show is a magician who runs around NL doing tricks for people in the street. I’m sure most countries have something similar; I’ve seen them on the internet. I can enjoy the tricks even if I don’t understand everything that’s said. In the meantime, I’m hearing adults speak to adults – different than adults speaking to kids. Faster and much more complicated words and ideas. And it IS kind of thrilling for me to be able to recognize even a few words. Sometimes I can catch a phrase, once in a great while an entire sentence. This is my weak point: understanding the spoken language. Finally I have a show all in Dutch that I LIKE watching. It makes me TRY to hear everything. I’m learning without effort. Or at least without begrudging effort.

Once again I have gold stars plastered on my face for language. I asked my teacher to help me with a note to the swimming pool regarding people who don’t shower before getting in to swim. My version was simplistic and naive in language use, but I did manage to effectively write the correct verb tenses AND get the word placement right. In other words, what I had would have worked and been understood. He gave me a more adult version of what I said, more streamlined in word usage. But I’m getting there. Maybe my dream of writing in Dutch isn’t so far-fetched after all.

Today I begin with a much kinder feeling towards myself. However difficult it was to just indulge and take care of myself yesterday, it helped me. My little girl doesn’t feel so frazzled by everything. For the first time in many years, I’m not telling her to do this or that. I’m asking. Where do we go now?

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6 thoughts on “Where do we go now?

    1. lol! I thought of that. But notes on what? My thoughts? My feelings? Sleep patterns? I think for now I’d rather roll with the punches, take things as they come. If he asks me to make notes for him or read this blog, okay. I can deal with either. And frankly, I probably did just FINE and should leave it alone. He’ll ask what he asks of me next month. I can always revisit my posts before my appointment to get a general reminder of where my head’s been at.

      Liked by 1 person

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