I can feel it in my bones


Rotterdam seems eerily quiet after all those fireworks. They’ve been popping for days now, but when the sun set it seemed it was time to get down to it for reals. I didn’t even go to the big show downtown; there’s no need when all night long I have to do is look out my window. The neighbors invest a lot of year end cash in blowing things up. I got some video on my very poor camera, but of course can’t load it up on WP. That’s okay. Doesn’t look as good as it was.

I finished up 2015 strong. Made my bed, tidied up the house a bit, even went grocery shopping so my brother didn’t have to. It was the first time in a long time I volunteered to take some chores from him, and it felt good going knowing that I was giving him more time to work on his new music.

Got my first ‘of course’ of the New Year, tho. Forgot my phone when I went shopping so OF COURSE Addiction Central called to talk to me. The last thing I expected was a phone call on New Year’s Eve. Now it’s on me to try and return the call. I couldn’t understand the woman’s name; it sounded like she said her name was ‘Haiku’ – which I doubt I got right, but it WOULD be a cool name, don’t ya think? Ugh. She didn’t leave a direct phone number, either, just the general number for Addiction Central. So I can call, but I don’t know who to really ask for. And I kind of doubt today is a good day to get a hold of anyone. But I’ll try to get thru later.

Actually, I have three semi daunting tasks to take care of today. The phone call, getting down to hospital for some needed blood work, and trying to load up my metro card at one of the auto places at a station. Dutch, Dutch, Dutch! Makes me want to change my catch phrase. Right now it’s “I don’t speak much Dutch. Do you speak English?”. It should be “I just learned how to say I’m sad. Use English, please.”. Muuuuuch closer to the mark. And I DID get in a Dutch lesson on the computer yesterday. Sad is ‘verdrietig’. Grabbed onto THAT word pretty damn quick. Anyway. Lots to do out there. Glad a lot of people will just be sleeping in. Makes it a teensy bit easier.

If you’re wondering when I’m gonna tell you about my New Year’s resolutions, let me put that to rest. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. For one thing, it’s an arbitrary time – there is no ‘new year’. For another, I figure I’d better ALREADY have my feet on the path I want to travel by 31 December, not just make a resolution to get started! And New Year’s resolutions are just one more way to set yourself up for failure. Most people don’t follow thru with them. I gave that shit up by the time I was 30. My resolutions are uttered every damned day: get outside, do things, stop looking at the ground all the time, smile. It’s how I keep going.

*sigh* Wishes and dreams. If I could eat them I’d be fat, indeed. I’m almost scared to dream these days. I’ve had too many dreams slaughtered in front of me. Some part of me insists on reigniting the flame of hope, tho. It’s puny, and it sputters in the smallest wind. But it’s there. For all its miniature size, it throws out a lot of heat. I have laughed more in the past 24 hours than I have for the last month.

Maybe that’s the best way I could have begun this year: with laughter.

As pink floods the western sky, the day begins. A day similar to yesterday, yet fresh. Fresh from the wishes and dreams, the resolutions and hopes all uttered and thought about last night. Even if today will bring harsh reality crashing in to destroy so many oaths taken in drunken earnest, for the moment the dreams stand absolute. Anything is possible.

This is MY year. And you know what’s the weirdest thing about that? Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to be into numerology. Did my full chart. There was a confluence of lines at age 51, the age I’m headed towards. I remember thinking in my tender years how OLD 51 was (HA!) and wondering what that convergence would bring. It’s on the horizon now, and I’m beginning to get a sense of it. Time to start breaking out of this cocoon and getting back to life. Did I create this because I read it in my numerology and some part of me made it happen? Possibly. I won’t rule out anything at this point. But whether I created it or it was destined to happen, it’s going down now, this year. I can feel it in my bones.


9 thoughts on “I can feel it in my bones

  1. Yooooooo numerology. I used to do that too. Had a friend who studied that somewhere “mystical” and I learned to do my numbers. It was fun. I’ve forgotten much though.

    I like that Dutch word. Can’t imagine the pronunciation, but the letters together look pleasing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 🙂 It’s pronounced ‘vfer-dree-tich’ or something close to that. The ‘g’ is not really a ‘ch’ sound, but I have no idea how to write it phonetically.

      lol! You should try it again, just to see. I’ve still got my early analysis tucked away somewhere.


      1. Haven’t got thru yet. But I can ask and not feel like such an eejit. I mean, really! Is Haiku there?

        No one named that here.
        Are you sure that was the name?
        You are such a fool.


        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love how you said that you needed to get started by december 31 to change. Love love love it!
    I laughed so hard last night/this morning I have a cough. I HIGHLY recommend “Cards Against Humanity” omg… BWAHAHAHAHA😂😂😂😂 At least this time I didn’t pee my pants!!

    Liked by 1 person

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