Burn, baby, burn!


So. I missed you yesterday, blog-o-sphere. But, you know. Only so many hours, and this being my ‘me’ week off from school, I devoted yesterday’s hours to the story I’ve been writing. Got through it, it I think. Have to proofread it today. This is the first story I’ve written in a long time under less than ideal conditions. Three major breaks while writing, and yesterday’s time included lovely things like my brother taking out the garbage, or feeling the need to suddenly clean the floor. I think it was his subtle hint that I’d let the housework go too long.

My bro also tapped my brain at a disastrous time. One question to me when I raised my head to breathe and I was off, my mouthing running so fast I think I clocked up a full five minutes before I stopped long enough to give him time to speak again. There are a couple of things each of us do in our lives that it’s not too bright to ask us about while we’re in them, ’cause that’s what happens – spew. Non-stop talk. Obsession. He got it yesterday about my writing. I get it from him with music theory and computer programming. *sigh* He was amusingly annoyed; he knew what was happening and kind of laughed at me, but there was an edge to it, too. I closed up my story (finished) and took a walk, figuring that (1) I should stop being a pale hermit and get some fresh air and (2) I really needed to burn off the extra energy. Headed to my favorite place to start; the canal to feed the birds.

I am become Duck Woman. I swear. Didn’t even get half way across the road and those ducks were climbing out of the water and calling greetings to me. Quackity-quack.  They are abominably cute when they shake their damn tail feathers (just like the song says). I am MORE than happy to be surrounded by ducks and cute water birds as I toss bread. They have the innocence of children when they look up at me. Simple yearnings for attention. One mallard is a sassy man. He gets within a foot of me and just stands right in front, looking up at my face. He can also catch a bit of bread tossed to him right out of the air; I think it’s his special trick. Makes me wonder if I brought a little leash and got it on him, would he take a walk with me all civilized? I think so.

Can you potty train ducks? Have ’em go in a kitty litter box? That would be cool.

Speaking of civilized, I saw THE coolest cat on the planet. He was out taking a walk with his human and dogs. As wise cats often do, he kept his human and dogs on a leash, tied together so they wouldn’t get in so much trouble while he strolled along the canal two meters to their left free as a bird. This cat kept walking until he realized his pets were lagging behind, then he’d turn and look over his shoulder, kind of ‘hmph’, and start to clean himself. Funny as all hell. Certainly could tell who ruled the roost in THAT house!

Lovely walk. When I open my writer’s eyes, I see stories everywhere. As long as my feet don’t stumble (don’t laugh; I stumble a lot when I’m deep in thought) I let my head go. I know I carry that far away don’t bother me I’m thinking deep thoughts kind of look. That look has got me in trouble in the past; in school, with friends and lovers, family, at work. People in my life have seen that look and always interrupted it, always made it BAD to be so far away in my own world. Hey! Are you listening to me? Wake up! What the hell are you thinking about? Ugh. Yesterday was different. It’s like there’s so many writers and artists and musicians here in NL that people are used to seeing someone sitting deep in thought, staring off at nothing. They greeted me; it’s the thing to do here when you’re out on a walk. But I received greetings filled with smiles, smiles that seemed to understand what I was doing. Smiles that seemed to encourage me, rather than distract me. Like they all thought, oh look! she must be a writer or an artist of some kind, deep in thought. isn’t that exciting? That’s the vibe I got. People HAPPY to see me lost in my own world. It seemed to me they were saying go and create, create something wonderful! 

There have been small ripples in my life lately, small things that I think are beginning to affect the larger picture. For one thing, I won yet another free lotto ticket off my numbers. That’s four or five in a little under a year. I’m definitely in the lightening strike zone with those numbers. Lots of little hits. Hoping that when the big hit comes, it’s a fucking BIG HIT. For another, I’m sitting here typing away with glossy, dark purple nails. I spent Sunday being a girl; watching chick flicks and doing my nails. Viola. Purple nails. Looks pretty good, considering the fact I haven’t done my nails in decades. Yet another: my hair has hit ‘the zone of grow out’. When my hair first starts to grow out, it looks shaggy and unkempt. If I wait long enough, my hair grows into itself. Suddenly it’s not so frizzy. It’s weighing itself down more, so it looks smoother and less heavy. It is, if I may say, livable this way. Still need to have the ends trimmed, and that will screw it up for a week. But yea! Maybe by spring I’ll be able to be all girly and play with my hair again (pretty sure I’ll be buying a curling iron). Gotta add one that isn’t so nice to this list; my rheumatoid arthritis has been getting worse. Not big flare ups, just small always aching so I can’t get comfortable stuff. My feet are bad today, and it isn’t because I burnt myself out on the walk yesterday. Got my next appointment in January. At the rate this is progressing, I should be able to make that without calling for an earlier meeting. It does mean I need more medication. While I’m not happy about that, I do know that I can feel better than this, have more energy, be more productive. I just gotta get the body to stop aching so much. *sigh* And yes, I’m aware of the fact my RA seems to be getting worse the longer I progress with this up phase. What a pile of shit. 💩

I just gotta don a mullet for a minute here, and quote the immortal words of Def Leppard “It’s better to burn out than fade away”. Yeah! Burn, baby, burn! I know I’m in love with the fire right now. I know I need to slow down. And ya all know I don’t wanna.


6 thoughts on “Burn, baby, burn!

  1. Omg lol are you sure we’re not all related? lol your brother sounds just like my brother with all the techno babble lol we both like to ramble on to each other about things we wish the other would just like as much as we do lol and I bet the cat and his “pets” was quite a hoot! I can totally picture that scene lol On a serious note I hope you feel better soon…being in pain is no fun 😦 Oh and glad you did your nails! Nothing brings on instant girlieness faster than that! Every once in a while I paint mine and I always feel a little bit better 🙂 Sending good vibes your way! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cavelle, I’ve met family in the strangest places. You go along, live your life and then suddenly pow! You have a connection so strong you just know it’s been there forever. I never ignore that. So yeah, hi sister or cousin or daughter or mother!

      I’m dabbling in being a girl. Dabbling; that would be the correct term. It feels a little weird, tho I must admit to wanting to buy a few skirts and some leggings for the winter months.I’d need some new tops, too. lol! The only part of the outfit I actually HAVE is the boots. Oh, geez. I want to build an outfit around my boots. That’s as girlie as you can get, right? 😉

      Thanks for the good vibes. Right back at ya. xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol it’s ALL about the boots baby! lol I LOVE boots…I have one pair that I can’t like without…the only pair I have actually lol but I always feel like a woman in them lol other than that I would live in PJ’s all day lol and you’re so right! never ignore those connections 🙂 xo

        Liked by 1 person

  2. lol! What an image to paint for me: older me, still here, now master of the language, leading my duck down the pathways on Sunday. Or my duck leading me. You know how those things go. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. lol! I don’t usually wish for a time when people have computer plugs in their brains, but right now I wish it were so. I really want to see the image you have of me in your head. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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